Acquainted with Sorrow

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my wife, Dawn's death. She had emphysema for over ten years. She never smoked but might have had some contact with 2nd hand smoke. In a Father's Day Card, she signed it, Your sister, friend, debater, lover, and wife. I loved that but she was also my poetry editor. Most of all the things I miss are the times we would work on a poem together. Apart from several grief poems, I haven't written any poetry this last year. Here is a collection of poems about her being sick.





The Doctor Said


My honey and me, we went to the doctor
He said her lungs were not the best
To say the least,
And me, my heart, that part
was way behind the rest of me,
And I had best slow down.

"But between you," said that wise old man,
You make one good healthy person."
And that is just what ought to be, said we,
For she, she takes my breath away
And I, I have her heart
So more than just the marriage bed
One flesh, we are, like Jesus said.

 

 

The Artist

 

I have been painting in our room
with prayer.
Painting over, to be exact.
A wide smear
To hide the bed
in which you lie retching
Stark photograph of my fear.
Pray painting a better picture
impressionistic hints of
My lady awakening, stretching
Beckoning for a kiss
For prayers are dreams
And dreams are hopes
Sketched on tomorrow's wall
I don't know what to do
So please, dear God I call on you,

 

 

Heart Stopping Love
 

When you are sick

I am the guardian of our journey
A clutching miser of joy
Like a new father
Cradling a fragile newborn
Checking frantically for normal
For better, for worse.
Neither knowing nor caring
For anything less than this
Caressing with shaky tenderness
On guard
Keeping from terror
Counting the breaths
Careful the error
Of dropping
My baby, as they say.
You are my Baby
In every way,
And this is
Heart stopping love.

 

 

 

In these days of your sickness

8/26/12

In these days of your sickness
We have said we'll take
Each moment as it comes,
We'll make the best of it,
And I will love you all ways.
 
This is a wilderness journey.
There's always been room
To slip between the trees and rocks.
Let danger loom,
We'll take the knocks together.
 
Take my hand.
We'll talk
Like we always have.
We'll walk into the next . . .
But here's the unwriteable text:
Grief is a doppleganger of devotion,
A double goer, a phantasm,
An old acquaintance 
Coming unannounced for dinner. 
 
I have forgotten Grief
In these years of joyous loving,
But now he appears
At the edges of my vision,
Crouching like a gargoyle 
On the ledges of my fears.
Stay away, 
Set a while more old friend,
I'm not done loving yet. 
 

 

Someday

 
Some day if you die before me
I'll cry at movies, every frame
Reach for your hand in the dark room
And mornings I will say your name
Before the rising dawn
Embrace the pillows where you lay
Temporarily insane with saddness
They say that grief will pass on by
That time will heal the fiercest pain
And so my cheeks may dry some day
But I'll still want you back again
Like Him a man of sorrows be
I'll sigh and play the waiting game
My treasures safely sealed and signed
As Jesus came He'll come again
With you and Benji close behind.
If you should die before I do.

 

 

Acquainted With the Night

 
We have become acquainted
With the night
As with an enemy, familiar,
An everyday visitor
Who opens up his coat
To share his wares
He is an exhibitionist
In ecstasy over what he has to sell. 
Hell has no goods for us.
We will not buy.
Though the shadow try and try and try,
For we have lived and loved and laughed,
In glorious day. 
 
Beautiful
 
I remember when I told you
That I thought you were beautiful
You said, "Oh I never take
A very good picture "
Checking out the teeth
Of my horsey compliment
You said, "You are just smitten."
Well yes, that was the point!

And now when we are older
As emphysema robs you daily
Of your breath
You give a gift to me
I am allowed the intimacy
Of rubbing lotion
Into your legs
And washing your back,
Clipping your nails
I think how precious this skin,
This bone, this oxygenated blood
How beautiful!

I loved you
Because you were beautiful before
But now,
You are beautiful because I love you
And I am smitten more.